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‘Realistic’ Farmville upgrade features battery hens pecking off their own flesh

Kentucky Fried Chicken keeps poking you and wants to be your friendFacebook users showed their disapproval after an upgrade to one of their most popular games, Farmville, prompted thousands of complaints that it has rendered the game much less enjoyable and in some cases unplayable.

Julie Evans, a mother of two young children is horrified at the new style of the game ‘my little ones are only five and seven and they used to love tending to their crops and buying a new tractor when they could afford it but since the caged hens add on where you have to shove as many chickens as you can into a confined space and watch them peck their own feet off they cry when they see an egg.’ She also complained about the upgraded dairy farm feature in which she hovered her cursor over one of the cows and got the option to inject it with antibiotics and hormones so she could milk it five times a day.

Other users have had different experiences with some logging in for the first time after the upgrade to find their fields decimated by protesters for using GM crops, while others have had to wait for hours for their farmer to return from protesting in London. One user has even complained that their farmer refuses to do anything for them and instead stands in the middle of the field shaking his fist and shouting ‘you city folk will never understand the hardships we go through.’

Despite the lukewarm response the Farmville development team are unrepentant insisting that once the players get used to the new format they will enjoy the realistic farmer experience and immerse themselves fully in the new expanded version.

‘I believe there’s something in the New Farmville for every age’ said lead developer Tim Jones; ‘It will give children a chance to see where their meals come from as they transport the livestock to the virtual slaughterhouse and with the new graphics engine blood will actually appear to splash up onto the screen as you slit their throats. Likewise for the older person we think they will appreciate the time we spent emulating the debt ridden farmer completely devoid of shame turning to alcoholism and cage fighting.’

When the farmer finally reaches the end of his tether players can unlock the option to have him smother his family and hang themselves in the barn. ‘We’re even working on a mini game based around this in the style of Pac-Man with the Farmer chasing his children through a cornfield with a pillow, it’s very addictive.’

the everlasting first

25th March 2010

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Posted: Mar 25th, 2010 by Guest

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