BBC Radio 4 is ‘in crisis’ after actor Martin Jarvis went into administration owing to lack of work.
‘I am an actor, you know,’ declared Jarvis, ‘I cannot possibly continue without constant affirmation or, at the very least, a newly commissioned series of Just William.’
Mark Damazer, Controller of Radio 4, said, ‘We’ve given Martin all the work we can. He already voices everything from The Shipping Forecast to Book at Bedtime. He even does the voice of Jenni Murray on Woman’s Hour. There’s nothing left.’
‘It’s not enough,’ wailed Jarvis, ‘and if I don’t get a new commission for Just William then I shall scream and scream and scream until I am sick.’
Insiders say that Jarvis has been squeezed out of the schedules by new programming guidelines that require a minimum of 65% of new shows to be fronted by David Mitchell.
‘Martin has been struggling for some time,’ said industry bigwig Brian Perkins. ‘Things started going wrong when he lost the Harry Potter audiobook contract to Stephen Fry. It was all downhill after that.’
A full transcript of this article is now available as a BBC audiobook, read by David Mitchell.