Bookies celebrate as Jesus loses Jerusalem’s Got Talent

Leper he healed in show three turned out to be a stooge

Fans of ‘Jerusalem’s Got Talent’ were left reeling yesterday following the news that the runaway bookies’ favourite Jesus Christ had been beaten into second place by notorious criminal Barabbas.

‘This is fantastic news for us,’ said a spokesman for bookmakers William Hill. ‘We’d have lost millions if he’d won. Plus we’ve all been saved from eternal damnation as well of course.’

Jesus had become an over-millennia worldwide sensation as his feats in the early rounds of the competition such as walking on water and turning water into wine wowed crowds, and news of his performances was read about in gospels around the world.

As well as his stunning performance, the audience had been won over as he told his story of a difficult childhood. Born in stable and unsure of who his real father was, Jesus was hoping to leave behind the mundane, nine-to-five grind of his job as an apprentice carpenter to achieve his dreams of international stardom. ‘This means the world to me’ he declared, ‘and heaven as well’ he added, and instantly became a sure-fire favourite to win the final.

However, it was well documented that he had struggled with his new found fame and the pressure of competition, and rumours started to spread that he had ‘lost the plot’ and had been found wandering the wilderness after being missing for forty days and nights.

However, Jesus had been determined to take his place in the final despite the advice of some of his closest friends, but disappointed the audience by simply claiming to be the son of God instead of performing more of his now trademark miracles. His performance prompted a multitude of complaints from Jewish viewers, and he eventually lost out in the public vote to murderer Barabbas. As the unsuccessful finalist he was promptly sentenced to crucifixion, (a fate that many are now calling to be brought in for finalists in the next series of the X-Factor). However the show’s creator and judge Pontius Pilate said ‘I’ve got a feeling we haven’t seen the last of Jesus. He’ll be back – it’s just a question of when.’

1st April 2010

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Posted: Apr 1st, 2010 by

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