Politicians today united to condemn the system known as ‘democracy’ where ordinary members of the unwashed, ignorant public were given a say in whether they kept their jobs or obtained promotions.
‘The whole system is a disgrace,’ said Prime Minister Gordon Brown. ‘How are politicians expected to show authority and leadership when people are given some kind of vote? The whole thing will just turn into a popularity contest.’
The political elite have joined teachers in a combined protest at the humiliating charade. ‘In my day, we’d have flogged the little bastards for their cheek,’ said a Conservative backbencher and former teacher, who declined to be named. ‘Birch them! Birch them I say, birch – will you excuse me for a minute?’