Concerns grow for World Cup WAG squad

those left wouldn't even know where to shop for a new tendon

With two months remaining before the start of the World Cup, concerns are mounting that England may end up fielding its weakest WAG line-up for years. ‘The Wives and Girlfriends have been beset by disaster in the run-up to the finals. There’s no denying that the loss of Cheryl Cole has been a devastating blow for the team this close to the tournament,’ said a source close to the WAG training camp, where several hopefuls have reportedly been strenuously trying out to replace Ms Cole. ‘We’re delighted to see Toni Poole back in the squad, but no-one really knows if she can go the whole 90 minutes, or if she’ll be substituted by another WAG.’

As the WAGs prepare for the rigours of the South African heat at a specially-equipped facility, they are learning how to combat humidity frizz, high-altitude alcohol tolerance and the Afrikaans for ‘turn the sun-bed to Oompa Loompa’. ‘But there’s a growing sense of panic as the tournament grows closer that the team lacks that vital experience we need to see off stiff challenges from the French and Brazilian WAGS,’ said the source. ‘Melanie Slade has come on nicely since her debut in Germany four years ago, but she’s still some way behind Abi Clancy in her media and bikini exposure. Colleen Rooney probably has the most experience in the box, but let’s be honest, there’s a reason she’s the face of Asda.’

But the question on everyone’s lips is still whether one-time chief WAG, Victoria Beckham, has one last World Cup left in her. ‘Her form has been so erratic over the recent past – she proved she can play a blinder in Armani knickers, but then followed it with that disastrous performance on American Idol,’ said the source. ‘In truth, these days she’s more of an impact WAG and there have been serious questions over her fitness for some time. But for what it’s worth, I still would.’

9th April 2010

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Posted: Apr 9th, 2010 by

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