There are renewed fears that Britain’s pre-school children may have managed to decode their parents’ secret method of communication today, after it emerged that a Nuneaton toddler has learned to spell.
Kyle Shortbury, 18 months, shocked onlookers after his mother told his father to hide his D.U.M.M.Y in a kitchen drawer, to which the toddler replied ‘no, Kyle dummy now!’ ‘I was both proud and appalled,’ said his grandmother. ‘I always knew he was an intelligent little lad, but this took the biscuit. Or B.I.S.K.I.T as we call them.’
Colleges have reported a dramatic uptake in Mandarin Chinese evening classes, while the National Esperanto Society has tripled its membership as parents take desperate measures to safeguard their conversations.
But the government has urged parents not to worry. ‘Any toddler who has learnt to spell will shortly be starting school,’ said Ed Balls. ‘So parents can rest assured that after a few years of British education, they’ll bearly be able to spell there own names.’