David Cameron denied trying to buy the election when he announced a new scrappage scheme for out of date and polluting governments today.
Every household will have the opportunity to vote out their existing model in exchange for £2000 and a shiny new Tory cabinet. Dealers in some marginal constituencies are already offering up to £4000 trade-in made up of tax breaks and local investment to get people to update.
The new Tory model uses a Cameron-litic converter which vents 90% of PR through the leader who contains precious metals (such as a silver spoon), enabling him to emit only sweet smelling middle-class friendly policies.
Labour on the other hand belch out hot gas through a variety of ministers and backbenchers. Their leader is based on an outdated 1970s British Leyland model and can’t be updated as old Labour parts are no longer available.