The British public is seeking answers following the appearance of a mysterious glowing orb in the sky. The unidentified object first appeared over the weekend causing hysteria as well as a surge in sales of frappuccinos and newspapers, although The Independent’s circulation remained largely unaffected.
Political leaders Left, Right and Centre-Left each claimed the orb’s miraculous appearance as endorsement of their policies, although David Cameron was particularly keen to stress that the light was being emitted from his own backside.
‘Whilst the public reaction to the appearance of the Great Light has been one of awe and wonderment there is a risk of widespread hysteria,’ said Chief Medical Officer Liam Donaldson.
‘GP surgeries are already being instructed to prepare for an influx of patients suffering from the side effects of exposure, such as undercooked barbeque food, frostbite from wearing sandals in temperatures barely above freezing and an overly competitive attitude towards the Germans.’