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School misfits form Glee club, still get shit kicked out of them

A group of socially awkward schoolchildren was disappointed today after discovering that pooling their hitherto secret singing and dancing talents into a performing arts group was insufficient to prevent the ‘right kicking’ that awaits them in school on a daily basis. ‘We hoped that by expressing ourselves through the medium of song, we could prove our worth to a cynical and unkind social hierarchy,’ said Jay ‘big fat gayer who’s so gay even gayers think he’s too gay’ Smith. ‘But our efforts thus far seem only to have reinforced the notion that we are a group of ‘spacks’, ‘lezzers’ and ‘binners’, although we have noted that our aggressors often hum our signature version of Toto’s ‘Africa’ while beating the crap out of us.’

The endeavour has proven no more successful for retiring schoolgirl Amy Jones, who had hoped her prodigious singing talent would finally convince her peers of her inner beauty and bring her to the attention of the school’s football captain. ‘But even after belting out Leona Lewis’ ‘Bleeding Love’ in school assembly, Tom told me that he’d never shag me, even if I supplied my own bag to put over my head. But he did extend an invitation to ‘blow’ him before next Thursday’s game against Alderman Callow Comprehensive, so long as I did a passable Christina Aguilera impression.’

John Reese, the well-meaning teacher who founded the group as a refuge for those excluded from the other school cliques, admits disappointment with his attempts to integrate his students into the mainstream, but says the group has had its advantages. ‘It’s a shame that the kids haven’t found acceptance amongst their peer group, but the group has been a fulfilling opportunity for me to escape the difficulties in my home life,’ he said. ‘And it’s provided excellent cover for my continued affair with Letitia Brown in Year 11. It’s true what they say, the mingers are more grateful.’

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Posted: Apr 18th, 2010 by Mary Evans

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