Nick Clegg and Vince Cable to be surgically conjoined

Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg and his treasury spokesman Vince Cable are to undergo a 14-hour operation at Great Ormond Street Hospital to be surgically conjoined.

‘I have the style and Vince has the substance,’ said Mr Clegg, ‘we are almost joined at the hip already so we may as well make it official.’ Operating surgeon Mr Lembit Opik said: ‘conjoining politicians is always a risky procedure but we believe that this operation could seriously improve their chances of electoral survival.’

The last politicians to be conjoined were David Owen and David Steel during the 1980s although the pair eventually had to be severed after the dominant David tried to steal all the oxygen of publicity.

If the operation is successful the new Clegg-Cable hybrid could be an unstoppable political force. ‘We are already the bookies favourite in the next leadership debate,’ said Mr Cable, ‘and, on a personal note, I am very much looking forward to sleeping with Nick’s wife.’

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