NewsBiscuit

A cosmic ‘Stairgate’ has been unearthed near the Egyptian city of Giza that may provide access to other worlds. ‘It took us a while to work out how to open the Stairgate,’ said archaeologist, Dr Daniel Jackson, ‘but eventually we realised that the trick was to use two hands to press both little clips in at the same time as lifting the handle.’

Dr Jackson and his team have spent many hours trying to understand how the machine works, painstakingly decoding the hieroglyphic instruction manual, believed to be written in ancient Ikean.

‘It looks like the Stairgate may have been designed by aliens to prevent dogs and small children from travelling to far away galaxies without permission,’ said Dr Jackson, ‘however, whenever we manage to open the gate it only seems to provide access to a shabby looking bedroom in Luton. We sent some marines through but, despite being fully armed, we still haven’t heard anything back.’

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Posted: Apr 20th, 2010 by Guest