Age of criminal responsibility to be lowered to two following brutal blancmange attack

The government is planning to lower the age of criminal responsibility to two after a toddler launched a violent attack on his sister with a strawberry blancmange. ‘The whole nation will be horrified at this shocking crime,’ said Home Secretary, Alan Johnson, ‘It is pure evil.’

The child, aged two, known only as toddler X, is believed to have attacked his four-year-old sister when she switched over a television channel and interrupted his viewing of a rape scene on EastEnders. His sister later claimed to have been trying to watch a murder on The Bill. ‘He just went crazy,’ said the children’s mother, ‘he grabbed the strawberry blancmange from the table and tipped it all over his sister’s head.’

Justice Secretary, Jack Straw rejected media demands to reveal the identity of the ‘Blancmange Beast’. ‘The general public is understandably outraged but this toddler will be tried in an adult court and face the full force of the law. This is no trifling matter.’

Toddler X is awaiting trial and is currently being held in Bird’s Custardy.

roybland (hat-tip to Malgor)

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