ELECTION REVIEW

With all the talk of the election it’s easy to forget what’s gone before so in this election special NewsBiscuit revisits some of the outstanding political moments of the last few years. It will either reinforce those choices you made or help you permanently regret that decision which you never acted on to leave the country all those years ago and never return. But you might have gone to Greece, so it could have been worse. A bit.

Labour



Brown kisses Queen’s hand, then mouth with tongues	Concerns that Blair’s first Catholic confession ‘could be a biggie’	Brown dismayed as nation asks ‘what the hell is a ‘manse’?’	Gordon Brown ‘wants to be Middle-East Envoy’	Gordon Brown has Darth Vader to tea at Downing St


Hain failed to register kidney donations	Government paralysed by missing Magic 8 Ball	Brown comforted by Labour gains in ‘made up places’	Government admits losing PM’s bucket and spade	Bags under Brown’s eyes sink to new low


Lord Mandelson plans human sacrifices to appease business gods	Brown denies policy U-turn was inspired by visits from three ghosts	Prime Minister refers Honourable Gentleman to hand, face not listening	Government agrees rescue package for snowmen	Woman next to Brown on flight home ‘just wouldn’t f***ing shut up’ about the economy


British Government to be outsourced to Tesco	‘Waiting for Gordo’ is West End smash	Brown ‘desperately holding out for major terrorist attack or something’	Alan Sugar tells Gordon Brown ‘You’re fired’	Mervyn King to accompany PM everywhere and contradict him in real-time


Government launches massive closing-down sale	Balls announces Hindsight to be taught in schools	New look Brown returns from holiday as Lord Mandelson goes missing	Labour manifesto includes free mind programming CD by Lord Mandelson	Brown aide’s death was ‘assisted suicide’

Conservatives



Sep 06 Cameron ‘put oil onto seabird for photo’	Jan 07 Tories in policy breakthrough; Cameron to drive, chauffer to cycle	Oct 07 Cameron apes Radiohead with ‘pay as much tax as you want’	May 08 Boris wins Election for London Mayor	Oct 08 Osborne denies asking poor person for donation


Dec 08 Tory Party Leader arrested For ‘Plotting to overthrow Government’	Sept 09 Tories promise to review controversial ‘League Table’ system for football teams	Oct 09 David Cameron ‘may not have been beaten up enough at school’, warn experts	Oct 09 Dyson launches radically smoother new Prime Minister	Oct 09 Tory MP feared drowned after falling off raft of clichés into Sea of Hyperbole


Nov 09 Bonfire night celebrations after discovery of Tory plans to destroy European Parliament	Jan 10 Cameron kicks off election campaign by blacking up	Mar 10 Cameron must stop cuddling us, say senior aides	Apr 10 Launch of Samantha Cameron swimwear range ‘not politically motivated’	Apr 10 Cameron goes for the double by entering ‘Over the Rainbow’

Lib Dems



Sep 07 Liberals pass historic conference decision; ‘Let’s give up’	Oct 07 World thrown into chaos as Menzies Campbell resigns	Nov 07 Clegg and Cameron actually same person	Sep 09 Horse gives impassioned speech at Liberal party conference	Mar 10 Nick Clegg becomes heroin addict in last-ditch bid for media attention


Clegg delighted with third place in Nick Clegg look-alike contest