Far-right extremists are breathing a sigh of relief today, after the last remaining clone of Hitler was officially recognised as a ‘complete bastard’. Nigel Hitler, 51, was originally cloned from cells taken from the Fuhrer’s brain by a secret cabal of Nazi scientists. The ‘little Hitler’ was then smuggled into the UK to be raised by middle-class foster parents.
Posted: Apr 22nd, 2010
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The genteel citizens of the Home Counties commemorate today the shocking events of 1985 that ensued when supplies of the Daily Telegraph failed to get through for five days running.
Posted: Apr 22nd, 2010
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Boris is keen to use it as an alternative to a third runway at Heathrow
Posted: Apr 22nd, 2010
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Budget airline easyJet has caused controversy by launching a dedicated service for today’s bigger-boned passenger, promising roomy seats, numerous cup holders and a menu boasting the best in foil-sealed freshness.
‘All we’re doing is recognising the growing demand for wide-haul flights,’ said Sir Stelios Haji-Ioannou, founder of easyJet. ‘Our customers don’t want to be patronised by standard airlines charging them for two seats. We treat all our travellers like grown outs – sorry, grown ups. We give them one big seat at twice the price plus charges. Oh, and insulin. All the insulin they can eat.’
Posted: Apr 21st, 2010
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There was excitement amongst meteorologists today as the Met Office announced the introduction of a new ‘Volcano’ weather symbol. The graphic, a giant ash cloud surrounded by a halo of molten lava, is the first new weather symbol in over seventy years – the last being the ‘Pea Souper’ which was introduced in the 1940s and appeared frequently for the next two decades, before fading into obscurity.
Posted: Apr 21st, 2010
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