Uncontrolled Daily Mail readership has been ‘damaging’ for Britain and would be capped under a future Labour government, Gordon Brown has promised. ‘Some areas of our country have been swamped by waves of Daily Mail readers,’ said Mr Brown, ‘and with their alien culture of prejudice they are placing unbearable demands on the country’s normally liberal supplies of patience and tolerance.’
Posted: Apr 21st, 2010
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‘they might not cause any actual damage but the placebo effect could be quite devastating.’
Posted: Apr 21st, 2010
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A cosmic ‘Stairgate’ has been unearthed near the Egyptian city of Giza that may provide access to other worlds. ‘It took us a while to work out how to open the Stairgate,’ said archaeologist, Dr Daniel Jackson, ‘but eventually we realised that the trick was to use two hands to press both little clips in at the same time as lifting the handle.’
Posted: Apr 20th, 2010
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A previously obscure Icelandic volcano has benefited from an enormous swell in public recognition after appearing on national television last week with opinion polls now showing that it is almost as popular as Vesuvius.
Posted: Apr 20th, 2010
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Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg and his treasury spokesman Vince Cable are to undergo a 14-hour operation at Great Ormond Street Hospital to be surgically conjoined. ‘I have the style and Vince has the substance,’ said Mr Clegg, ‘we are almost joined at the hip already so we may as well make it official.’
Posted: Apr 19th, 2010
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