An Isle of Wight voter says that she is delighted by the quality of her prospective parliamentary candidates. ‘They all seemed very nice’, said Mrs Deirdre Worth of Ventnor, Isle of Wight.
Posted: Apr 19th, 2010
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A group of socially awkward schoolchildren was disappointed today after discovering that pooling their hitherto secret singing and dancing talents into a performing arts group was insufficient to prevent the ‘right kicking’ that awaits them in school on a daily basis. ‘We hoped that by expressing ourselves through the medium of song, we could prove our worth to a cynical and unkind social hierarchy,’ said Jay ‘big fat gayer who’s so gay even gayers think he’s too gay’ Smith. ‘But our efforts thus far seem only to have reinforced the notion that we are a group of ‘spacks’, ‘lezzers’ and ‘binners’, although we have noted that our aggressors often hum our signature version of Toto’s ‘Africa’ while beating the crap out of us.’
Posted: Apr 18th, 2010
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Police in Zurich this evening arrested an Italian opera singer who was found to have concealed himself in a wardrobe in a girls’ finishing school.
Posted: Apr 18th, 2010
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Religious groups around the world have united in welcoming a new social networking site that is designed to make religion more accessible to young people.
‘FaithBook’ offers features that mirror those on similar networking sites, but reflect the diversity of global religious practices and beliefs. Users build up their own network of contacts, or Society of Friends. They communicate with each other by writing on their ‘Wailing Walls’, or by direct messaging via the Tablet facility. Specially-designed emoticons range from Sunni (happy) to Shiite (sad), and include Catholic (disapproving), Hindu (vegetarian) and Zen (‘whatever’).
Posted: Apr 17th, 2010
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In a fresh blow to the Catholic Church’s fortunes, God has today announced He is to end the lucrative sponsorship deal that has been the organisation’s financial mainstay for nearly 2000 years.
Posted: Apr 17th, 2010
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