NewsBiscuit

Nick Adler, an astronaut onboard the Atlantis shuttle, which recently completed its final mission, has expressed concern that he may have unwittingly left loads of his stuff on the International Space Station, by mistake.

‘It hadn’t really dawned on me we wouldn’t be coming back,’ said Adler, ‘I’ve left all sorts of shit up there, and now I’m worried that Russians or the French or whoever is up there next are going to be going through all my stuff. It totally sucks.’

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Posted: May 31st, 2010
More from Science/Technology

International supervillain Ernst Stavro Blofeld is reportedly ‘hopping mad’ today after news that his plans for world domination could be set back by months due to problems with his secret volcano lair.

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Posted: May 31st, 2010
More from News In Brief

Lord Mandelson today announced his intention to leave planet Earth and return to his homeworld of Mongo, declaring, ‘my work here is done’.

As a member of the House of Lords he is unable to face his opposite number in the Commons, and this is believed to have prompted his decision to give up human form.

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Posted: May 31st, 2010
More from News In Brief

New figures released today show that anti-war protester Brian Haw has seen the value of the land he occupies in Westminster rise by a staggering 64% since January this year.

A spokesperson for the Halifax building society, which conducted the research, says: ‘This is the most encouraging sign yet that the recovery is real. While Mr Haw may be disappointed that men, women and children continue to die needlessly around the world, he can at least take comfort from knowing his camp site has continued to acquire equity during these troubling times.’

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Posted: May 30th, 2010
More from Business

The Unite union claims that it has reached a deadlock with British Airways in its ongoing dispute over the treatment of cabin crews. The union says that after it forced through concessions from the airline on pay and conditions, BA responded by insisting cabin staff wear new uniforms that replace the traditional wedge cap with a branded elf hat complete with shiny bell.

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Posted: May 30th, 2010
More from News In Brief