An alien conquest of the United Kingdom has been averted after nobody could fulfil the invaders’ initial ultimatum to ‘Take us to your leader’.
Hundreds of alien spacecraft descended on Kent and Sussex early yesterday, hurling huge fireballs to earth and burning thousands to death, before landing to round up survivors. ‘This twelve-foot alien warrior marched down a gangway from his spaceship and insisted that my husband and I take him to our leader,’ said survivor Marie Foulkes, 56, of Tunbridge Wells. ‘But when I told him that we couldn’t until we’d heard the results of the Tory-Lib Dem coalition talks, he just tutted, got back in his ship, and off they all went.’
Mrs Foulkes was later horrified to learn that the aliens had been overheard referring to her as a ‘bigoted human creature’ as they sped away into orbit.
inspired by dominic_mcg