Airspace over the south of England remains closed today due to an impenetrable low-lying sulphurous cloud of smugness hanging over the Brighton area. The cloud follows a major eruption of self-satisfaction in the early hours of last Friday morning, after the election of Britain’s first Green MP Caroline Lucas in the Brighton Pavilion constituency.
Holidaymakers planning to visit Brighton are being told to reconsider, as the cloud is said to represent a serious health hazard. ‘Travelling through Brighton has always been nightmarish,’ explains Ken Warbiton, environmental health expert. ‘The concentration of jugglers and micro-scooters often exceeds eight parts per 1,000 in the town centre. But this latest eruption outstrips anything we have seen for years; to find comparable levels of smugness you would have to go back to the premiere of Fahrenheit 9/11 in Islington, or that Banksy retrospective in Bristol.’
The Green victory is being attributed by pundits to the work of the grassroots Dinner Party Movement. But the election win has been deeply controversial, and is being roundly condemned by mainstream ‘Dinnerpartistas’ – many of whom are claiming that the movement has been infiltrated by members of the far-right-on.
‘This win is a huge embarrassment to us,’ claimed Sara Cleese, de-facto non-head of the Dinnerpartistas. “The whole point of the Dinner Party Movement is to declare to your friends over crema catalana that you are heartily sick of all the main parties and jolly well plan to vote Green this time, not to actually do it, yah?’