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Gordon Brown to remain as backbiting MP

Former prime minister Gordon Brown has scotched earlier reports that he would be leaving Parliament immediately and pledged to remain as a backbiting MP under the new leadership.

“Although we did not prevail over the Tories, I will continue to serve the miserable people of Kirkcaldy,” Brown pledged at a depressing meeting in his drab, wintry constituency. “As the former prime minister, it now falls to me to play my part in Labour’s great work of renewal: to sit on the backbenches, glowering and bitching about the new leadership, and I will give this task every ounce of energy I have left, which admittedly isn’t much.”

Brown said he would not endorse any candidate in the coming leadership election, insisting that “whoever wins will have my unswerving contempt.” As he drove away, he was heard on microphone adding “especially if it’s that gurning, banana-wielding bastard Miliband. Where’s Sue?”

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Posted: May 14th, 2010 by The Paper Ostrich

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