Downing Street sources today have revealed that before hurriedly leaving Number 10, former Prime Minister Gordon Brown had forgotten to clear his Internet Explorer browser cache, leaving successor David Cameron access to his history, saved passwords, favourites, and default form entries. Brown’s omission also granted Cameron access to his Hotmail and Twitter accounts. A sweaty, anxious Brown subsequently gathered reporters to issue the following statement: ‘Please ignore all messages from me. I do NOT have a tiny penis. If anyone, it is Mr Cameron, who has the tiny penis.’
He has also received numerous copies of Caddyshack on DVD, delivered by Amazon.co.uk to his North Queensferry residence. A bemused Brown told reporters ‘but I don’t even play golf’.
The story escalated when an anonymous source leaked the browser’s history contents onto the internet. Having sifted through the data, Brown’s internet movements during his last few days in office reveal an interesting portrait of the man.
Most notably, on the Friday after the election Brown made numerous repeated visits to the wikipedia entries for ‘Alternative Vote’ and ‘Proportional Representation’, and proposed the question ‘Who would you rather, Gordon or Tony?’ on Yahoo Answers. Immediately after announcing his intention to resign on Monday he spent several hours editing his own wikipedia entry, before vandalising David Cameron’s, adding ‘Dave was made to look silly-bum-biddies compared to Gordon Brown in the general elecetion (sic) leader’s debates.’
On Saturday he watched half of an episode of ‘Dragons Den’ on BBC iPlayer, and then spent the rest of the afternoon googling terms such as ‘how to start a business’ and ‘tennis shoe business scotland’ giving an impression as to what his plans are next. It also appears Brown is a fan of internet sensation Susan Boyle, and a member of her mailing list.
Sources revealed that although he searched hard, Cameron could not find any pornography on the Windows XP based machine. Brown retorted ‘Ha, silly Dave, every Scotsman knows to hide all his videos in a folder named Rugby Clips, to hide them from the missus.’