Formula 1 supremo Bernie Ecclestone has unveiled his full vision for this year’s racing season which builds upon his recent suggestion that drivers should be able to take shortcuts during a race. In a lengthy press statement he outlined the following proposals:
– Traction control to be outlawed, although cars will be allowed to have wings and take-off during a race.
– Offensive weaponry to be permitted so that rival cars may be shot at, but only if a direct hit is non-lethal: merely rendering the car and its driver black faced and smoky.
– Engine specifications to be relaxed so that Jet propulsion units may be fitted to vehicles.
– Chassis modifications that enable a car to rise on stilts and pass over another car will now be acceptable to the FIA.
– Vehicles may accommodate passengers ranging from dogs to whole families.
Under scrutiny from the assembled journalists Ecclestone admitted that his ideas may seem extreme but was quick to point out that the constructors had already signed up to the changes. Ferrari are developing a completely new car codenamed Arkansas Chugabug, McLarens new Mean Machine concept will be powered by an Acme sourced Jet Engine and Force India are adopting the Bouldermobile, a low-cost vehicle carved out of stone and powered by the legs of driver Adrian Sutil and new co-driver Captain Caveman.
The changes are taking place in celebration of the return of Michael Schumacher, or Dick Dastardly as he’s known to other drivers.
TerribleTim (One line Basil_B)
20th May 2010