NewsBiscuit

Hollywood producers confirmed today that Keanu Reeves’ next blockbuster will be the first to feature a specialist who will stand in for the A-lister in sequences deemed too ambitious for an actor of his talent. Universal Pictures has reassured fans that the star will perform his usual repertoire of running, fighting and monosyllabic grunts, but with a lookalike being brought in for scenes requiring his character to display emotion or intellectual depth.

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Posted: May 27th, 2010
More from Arts/Entertainment

Many owners say that wheeled luggage has revolutionised their lives. ‘It gives me a much needed excuse to go down the pub’ beamed new owner Steve Browning. ‘I just tell the missus I’m taking the bag for a walk and pop in for a sly pint or two’.

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Posted: May 27th, 2010
More from News In Brief

Luton town council have wowed the judges at the Chelsea flower show with their stunning display of a rusting Vauxhall Cavalier mounted on bricks, accompanied by its former engine set gracefully to one side in a puddle of rainwater and brake fluid.

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Posted: May 27th, 2010
More from News In Brief

Stock markets around the world have been sent crashing today following the news that Bono’s back surgery will keep him out of action for up to six weeks. ‘Everyone knows that Bono tells virtually every government in the world what to do’ explained the BBC’s Robert Peston. ‘If he’s out of action no-one will have a clue what they should be doing. The entire global economy could go to rack and ruin.’

Prime Minister David Cameron confirmed that Tuesday’s Queen’s speech was almost cancelled following the news. ‘Fortunately we’d sought Bono’s opinion on most of the proposed bills already, and Bob Geldof was available for a bit of last minute fine-tuning’.

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Posted: May 26th, 2010
More from Celebrity

Lincolnshire County Council was thrown into ‘total disarray’ after discovering that the vital roles of ‘Change Manager’ and ‘Diversity Coordinator’ will be left unfilled due to the government’s programme of cutbacks. In a further blow to the local community, Adult Education courses in crystal healing and Reiki have been slashed.

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Posted: May 26th, 2010
More from News In Brief