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Archive for May, 2010

Labour leadership race to be decided by Mrs Miliband

As former Energy Secretary Ed Miliband joins his brother David in the race to succeed Gordon Brown, the party decides to save time and money by asking their mother to decide which of the two boys should be the leader.

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Posted: May 16th, 2010
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Gordon Brown ‘forgot to clear No 10′s browser history’

luckily he deleted all the spreadsheets - no-one will ever know.Apparently spent several hours editing his own Wikipedia entry.

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Posted: May 16th, 2010
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Equalities groups hail Britain’s first white upper-class Prime Minister

didn't believe he'd see this in his lifetimeOnly a year after the inauguration of the first black President of the United States, equalities campaigners are celebrating a changed Britain after a white upper-class man this week ascended to the highest political office in the land.

‘It’s humbling, a real riches to riches story,’ admitted new Prime Minister, David Cameron, addressing his deprived constituents today in Witney, Oxfordshire. ‘When I was growing up on an estate in Berkshire, I never dreamed that someone like me could become anything more than a high court judge or chief executive of an investment bank. I was the first person in my family to go to university by private jet. To be honest, the whole thing hasn’t really sunk in yet – I have to keep asking my valet to pinch me.’

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Posted: May 15th, 2010
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BBC admits it forgot to cancel ‘Last of the Summer Wine’ in 1980

Archives opened today show that a glitch on a BBC computer has led to Last of the Summer Wine being inadvertently re-commissioned for the last 30 years, despite being unbelievably unfunny.

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Posted: May 15th, 2010
More from News In Brief



Coalition cabinet split over tea and biscuits

first major crisis of the new coalition, as custard creams run outReports are emerging which suggest that the first meeting of David Cameron’s coalition cabinet was not as cordial as it first seemed and that it actually ended in chaos and division with angry arguments about the fairest distribution of tea and biscuits.

‘The existing system of ‘First-Pass-the-HobNobs’ is patently unfair,’ said Lib-Dem leader, Nick Clegg, ‘by the time the biscuits get round to us Eric Pickles has taken all the Chocolate Bourbons. All we are left with are Dr Liam Fox’s Butter Crinkles and nobody wants them.’

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Posted: May 14th, 2010
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