Penis extensions add no value to your man, says Mail on Sunday

it really won't impress the neighbours

Anyone considering extending their man rather than moving should think again, according to a new report in the Mail on Sunday. While an extension can add value to a house and transform a neglected area into a bright and vibrant focus of attention, as well as avoiding stamp duty and the bother of moving, the same cannot be said for a man.

Lauren Thomas of Surbiton says she definitely regrets opting for an extension. ‘I started getting the spam email, but instead of deleting it I thought what a good idea it would be for John as a birthday present.’ After spending the next three months persuading John not to take it personally, she got him to try all the expensive exercises, creams and gadgets but found they had virtually no effect.

They decided the only option was surgery, for which they took out a second mortgage, but the results were disappointing. Eventually Lauren realised her mistake and moved in with ‘two hander’ Brett the tennis coach, and says that the inconvenience and disruption were well worth her while.

TV property guru Kirstie Allsopp was quick to agree with Lauren. ‘Even a good extension only leaves you with basically the same bloke after all that upheaval,’ she said, ‘while a botched job or a DIY effort can be worse than useless. Mind you, any man who says it’s not size that matters but location, location, location gets short shrift from me. Give me a decent whanger any day.’

Kirstie Allsop 'doesn't know what she's talking about. Bitch.'The Mail said that despite this, the usual best ways of adding value to a home could do the same for a man’s sex appeal, such as a good clean-up, using empty space up top more imaginatively or simply paying for a new kitchen and bathroom.

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Posted: Jun 5th, 2010 by

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