Archbishop of Canterbury Dr Rowan Williams has told the Church of England that if they want to keep up with the Catholics they need to ‘raise their game’ and produce more of their own scandals.
Speaking at the General Synod, Dr Williams said: ‘in recent years the Catholics have really stolen a march on us. They get all the headlines now. If we want to compete with them then we will need to get our finger out.’
Meanwhile, Archbishop of York Dr John Sentamu is launching a nationwide search to discover up and coming scandals in a new TV show, Anglican’s Got Talent. ‘We want to uncover all those randy reverends and dirty deacons,’ he said excitedly, ‘and, as an added incentive, the winner will get the chance to perform their sordid act in front of the Queen.’
Concluding his speech, Dr Williams told the assembled clergy: ‘we have the Pope visiting Britain in September. By the time he arrives I want every diocese to have a serious scandal about which they can be proud. Now go back to your parishes and prepare for embarrassment.’