Physicist Stephen Hawking is to open the world’s first artificially created miniature black hole in the Surrey town of Haslemere, declaring, ‘People will come from miles around to see it, whether they want to or not.’
The hole, created using Haslemere’s world famous Small Hadron Collider, has been a controversial issue for many local residents, with complaints about the millions in funding the local council have endlessly poured into it, and neighbours objecting to planning applications claiming ‘it will destroy all the light.’
In 2011 a high-speed link between the Haslemere hole and a supermassive black hole being built in Switzerland by CERN is also set to open. However, while people who enter the hole via CERN’S Large Hadron Collider will travel at almost the speed of light, the moment they enter Britain, they will slow down to a mere 40 miles per hour.
The Haslemere black hole will be opened next Tuesday, to be followed by wine, canapés and the collapse of spacetime.