The BBC was struck a further devastating blow yesterday with the announcement that the sofa from their hit early evening programme ‘The One Show’ had accepted a ‘lucrative offer’ from bitter rivals ITV to front a new peak time programme.
Barry Dyson, the sofa’s agent, stressed that his client was not joining ITV just for the money. ‘Whilst we can’t deny it was an attractive offer, my client feels typecast on the One Show and believes the new programme will enable it to develop artistically.’
‘The problem was that the BBC only saw my client in a supporting role,’ continued Mr. Dyson. ‘Now, it can show its versatility; appearing as a settee one evening, then perhaps as a chaise longue the next.’
Already reeling from the departure of the facially challenged Adrian Chiles and the permanently grinning Christine Bleakley, the BBC has steadfastly refused to accept the sofa’s defection was a setback. ‘We’re delighted to announce that the One Show’s mainstay, the plastic table, has signed a new contract committing it to the BBC until 2015,’ announced a spokesman triumphantly. ‘As part of the new deal, the table will make occasional appearances on other programmes starting with a guest appearance on Eastenders when it will be broken over the head of Ian Beale in a gratuitously violent pre-watershed scene.’
‘But there’s no need for the table’s many fans to be concerned,’ added the spokesman cheerfully. ‘A stunt table will be used in all fight scenes.’
ITV are believed to be ready to poach more furniture from the Corporation. Jonathan Ross’s polished wooden desk, concerned that it may not fit in with Graham Norton’s softer furnishing requirement, is known to have been seeking pledges from BBC bosses. It has also been reported that the iconic Mastermind chair is questioning its future.
Exact details of the new show lined up for the One Show’s former sofa are being kept under covers, but it is thought that the programme will have a chat format featuring the sofa in a chairing role.