Following extensive negotiations, TV presenter Christine Bleakley has dumped England striker Frank Lampard to become the girlfriend of Germany’s Thomas Mueller.
‘This has been one of the most difficult decisions of my life,’ said Bleakley, ‘I have really been torn between the two sides, but in the end Germany made me the best offer.’
Inside sources say that in addition to receiving £1 million a year and a guaranteed relationship with Mueller, Bleakley will also get her pick of the German side, as much bratwurst as she can eat and a custom-built sofa designed by Porsche.
The 34-year-old presenter has been accused of publicly flirting with Germany for some time although only signed the deal in the dying moments of the match on Sunday. ‘I wanted to give Frank every chance to score,’ said Bleakley, ‘but to be honest, even with goal-line technology he often struggles to get it in the box.’
The switch will raise inevitable questions about the England team’s girlfriend selection procedure. ‘I may have made a mistake with Christine,’ admitted coach Fabio Capello, ‘but it was either her or Adrian Chiles in a dress…In retrospect I probably should have gone with Adrian.’
While a suitable replacement for Frank Lampard is found, the role of Bleakley will be taken up by caretaker WAG, Katie Price. ‘This is a great opportunity for me,’ said Ms Price, ‘I know absolutely nothing about football so I guess I will fit in just fine.’