ASDA to sterilise all customers to protect gene pool

ASDA, Netto and Lidl have today agreed to long standing demands to insert contraceptives medicines into all their own-brand produce, in a last ditch attempt to protect the country’s gene pool.

‘We love our customers dearly’, said a spokesman for ASDA, ‘but for the benefit of society, they shouldn’t be allowed to breed.’

Doses of contraceptive medication will be concentrated in the stores’ pizza, crisps and fizzy drinks aisles, in order to prevent the occasional hungry sales rep from being removed from the gene pool by accident when they pop in for a sandwich.

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