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Archive for June, 2010

Isle of Wight forgot to end minute’s silence

Embarassed council officials on the Isle of Wight are set to end a minute’s silence that began on 19 June 1897, after it emerged that Town Mayor Elijah Crood, the only man on the island to own a pocket watch, had fallen asleep before the end.

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Posted: Jun 16th, 2010
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87% of kids think ‘fucking caravan’ is correct expression

'tit' also rated quite highlyA survey of children who had been on long journeys in the family car has revealed that 87% of nine year olds think ‘fucking caravan’ is the correct technical expression. Over 80% also believed that ‘typical man’ and ‘useless woman’ were correct, although there was disagreement over whether taxi drivers or cyclists thought they owned the bleeding road.

While most respondents neither knew nor cared about the origin of the caravan description, a significant minority remembered being woken up by their parents’ activities while on caravan holidays when younger and attributed it to that.

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Posted: Jun 15th, 2010
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Green’s handling ‘envy of the world’ says Campbell

England’s unofficial press secretary Alistair Campbell gave his first briefing to the world’s sports writers last night, and immediately went on the attack against the allegations of mishandling and fumbling.

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Posted: Jun 15th, 2010
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Littlejohn’s bile duct in dramatic escape

Richard Littlejohn’s bile duct has made an adaciaous escape through his nostril. It has now emigrated to India from where it is campaigning for the release of the angry Daily Mail journalist’s other organs.

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Posted: Jun 15th, 2010
More from News In Brief



‘Home-Hospitalling’ on the rise as parents lose faith in State Health System

parents understand, they really doToby Woodburn looks like any other 8 year old. He plays the same games, he watches the same television programmes and he talks cheerfully about the different stickers in his football sticker album. But unlike other boys of his age, he doesn’t go to the GP if he’s feeling unwell – Toby’s parents have opted for home hospitalling.

His father, Nigel, a research biologist, explains, ‘We first noticed Toby was of above average health almost as soon as he was born. There was no jaundice, no rashes, and his weight and length were at the upper end of the graph for his age. But instead of celebrating and nurturing this exceptional health, the health visitors spent less and less time with him.’

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Posted: Jun 14th, 2010
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