NewsBiscuit

The news written by you…

Virginia Water Women’s Institute elects surprise ‘Motherfucker of the year’

mofuFor the first time in its 86 year history the Virginia Water branch of the Women’s Institute located in affluent Surrey has elected a geographic outsider as its ‘Motherfucker of the Year’.

The presigious award given by the Institute’s elders’ panel is normally given to a member of the prestigious Wentworth Golf Club where the event was held, and previous recipients have included Bruce Forsyth and Ronnie Corbett, but for the first time in 2010 the award was given to Hackney gang leader Dizzie Marcus for his services to drug dealing and drive-by shootings.

Accepting the award at the clubhouse dining room, the surprised Dizzie expressed his thanks for the kind gift of a crystal decanter and confirmed that ‘He ain’t acceptin no shit’ to the warm applause of the assembled panel as small dry sherries were raised by the members of the Institute.

‘We decided that it woz time to look beyond the boundaries of Virginia Water to find our champion for 2010, after all the previous recipients are all terribly nice but they haz no street creds and are shit at break dancin’ said the Hon Marjorie Atwell ‘And I iz determined to make sure that no regular white guy woz given the bling on my watch.’

The Institute remained tight-lipped on who might be awarded ‘Bitch slapper of the year’ but Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood and former footballer Lee Chapman were ruled-out by the panel as ‘They ain’t slapped no hoes’ and were therefore ineligible to be included in the vote.

However the annual event was marred by the resurgence of the turf war between the Virginia Water W.I. and the Sunningdale Mothers’ Union. Knives and Uzi pistols were brandished as the two gangs faced one another across the clubhouse dining room, and fatalities were only avoided when it was pointed out to the ladies that they may not brandish machetes in the club house on a week day unless they have been signed in by their husbands. ‘I iz like totally sorry. I feels like I iz shamed my brethren.’

Share this story...

Send to a Friend:





Click to send this story to a friend

Posted: Jul 2nd, 2010 by antharrison

Tagged as: , , , , , , , ,

Click for more stories about: Lifestyle