9-11 conspiracy theorists are jubilant after last week’s unearthing of the hull of an 18th century ship at Ground Zero.
‘The discovery of this vessel provides clear proof that the attack on the Twin Towers was a marine based incident,’ claimed Dr Conrad Bannister, Lecturer in Advanced Conspiracy Theory at Harvard University. ‘The age of these timbers vindicates what I have been saying all along. No planes ever crashed into the World Trade Centre. This was clearly the work of an international conspiracy of time travelling pirates.’
However, rival academics have already dismissed the claims as ‘ridiculous’. ‘These timbers were deliberately put there by the FBI to conceal the real truth,’ claimed Yale Professor Elaine Cranford. ‘If you dig a little deeper I am sure you will find an ancient Egyptian pyramid just brimming with aliens.’
A Whitehouse spokesman also condemned the ‘wild, tasteless’ new debate, noting ‘everyone knows that 9-11 was about oil and therefore the direct fault of BP.’