Following news that the makers of Cillit Bang are to buy the Durex company, health officials announced that Barry Scott, frontman for the popular cleaning product, is to play a key role in advising on the nation’s sexual health.
Speaking by video link at a press conference to announce the move, the new sexual health czar explained his appointment: ‘Hi, I’m Barry Scott! One chat with me and BAM! Your sexual health questions are answered!’’. He was then seen walking into a private home and telling a startled housewife gossiping with a friend that if she was fed up with her husband’s erectile dysfunction she should simply locate his prostate gland, leave her finger there for 30 seconds, ‘and BAM! no more flaccidity!’
The appointment may be short-lived however after reports that Scott was later seen in a GP’s surgery intervening on a consultation on pubic lice, saying ‘Hi! I’m Barry Scott! One squirt of new Cillit Bang industrial oven cleaner and BAM! Say goodbye to those crabs!’
The 20-year-old patient is currently being treated for second-degree chemical burns to the scrotum. However, doctors did note he is entirely limescale free, and that all the coins in his pockets now look as shiny as new.