Business secretary Vince Cable announced that from September money paid to children by the tooth fairy will be means-tested and subject to tax.
Cable defended the scheme as a ‘simple and fair’ way to raise much-needed funds from those best placed to pay it. ‘Some of these children are getting upwards of £5 per tooth,’ explained the minister, ‘A fiver! I always said if you think we’re out of this recession you must be living in Fairyland.’
New procedures will entail all baby teeth being sent to a central tooth collection centre, where a new DNA record will be created for each child. Upon a successful DNA/tooth match, £3.50 will be added to the parental tax liability and a £1 ‘tooth bond’ will be sent to the child in due course. The unspent £2.50 difference will be split between a 50p injection to the budget deficit fund and a £2 administration cost to ensure all fairies have full clearance from the CRB.