The Scottish doctors who originally diagnosed Abdelbaset Ali al-Megrahi with terminal cancer have revised their prognosis, and now believe he is probably immortal.
Suspicions that Megrahi’s death may not be imminent were raised as he announced that he had just started reading all the Harry Potter books, and he is also thought to have recently planted a hedge.
David Cameron spoke this morning of his frustration. ‘It’s awkward – it feels a bit tactless continually asking ‘haven’t you died yet?’. It would save us all a lot of embarrassment if he would just get on with it and die.’
The medical team do not however believe their integrity has been in any way compromised by their climbdown. ‘On the contrary’ said a spokesman, ‘we’re still doing a lot of work for the Ministry of Justice. We examined Raoul Moat this morning, and we’ve given him absolutely no more than six months to live tops, if he eats well.’
rickwestwell with help from the_coarse_whsiperer