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Archive for July, 2010

Price of laughs hits all time low of $20 per barrel

There were fears for the future of the comedy industry today as the price of laughs fell once again to an all time low in early trading. A barrel of laughs now stands at $20 per barrel down from $105 in January.

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Posted: Jul 26th, 2010
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Megrahi doctors now believe ‘he may live forever’

Suspicions that Megrahi’s death may not be imminent were raised as he announced that he had just started reading all the Harry Potter books, and he is also thought to have recently planted a hedge.

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Posted: Jul 26th, 2010
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Fluffer’s union loses fight against Viagra

everything's hardAfter nearly a decade in hiding, Jeff Vilbiss, the former leader of the American Fluffers Union, was today sentenced to a total of 22 years in prison for crimes he committed during his 6-month guerrilla campaign of pharmaterrorism against Viagra manufacturer Pfizer.

He began his campaign against the pharmaceutical behemoth in 2000, when Viagra use became widespread in the San Fernando Valley adult movie industry, resulting in massive job losses among fluffers, and which devastated the suburb of Santa Bona where so many of the fluffing community lived.

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Posted: Jul 25th, 2010
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Thousands face prospect of trouble-free holiday flights this summer

Holidaymakers are reportedly in fear of reaching 2nd-rate holiday destination rather than enjoying free food vouchers and camping in the terminal usually provided by annual travel crisis.

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Posted: Jul 25th, 2010
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Vicar enjoys uneventful afternoon tea at middle class couple’s home

request for hobnobs fulfilled without questionWhen Terry and June Donaldson’s 13-year-old son Alexander joined the church choir at St Mark’s in the pretty Devon village of Bovey Tracey, the Reverend Brian Watts feared it was only a matter of time before he was invited to tea. In the event, he need not have worried, because the two hours he spent at the Donaldsons’ house last weekend were perfectly enjoyable.

‘Call me cynical if you will,’ said Watts, ‘but my experiences as 32 years as a vicar in middle class areas of England have scarred me deeply. I had to go as a matter of form but I was dreading it.’

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Posted: Jul 24th, 2010
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