NewsBiscuit

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Archive for July, 2010

Consternation as Barry Scott appointed UK sexual health Czar

Following news that the makers of Cillit Bang are to buy the Durex company, health officials announced that Barry Scott, frontman for the popular cleaning product, is to play a key role in advising on the nation’s sexual health.

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Posted: Jul 22nd, 2010
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Father stops filming for two bloody minutes; misses child’s first steps

After taking the unprecedented step of ‘putting that sodding camcorder down for two bloody minutes’, Geoff Curran is counting the cost of ‘trying to actually enjoy just being with his family for a change’.

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Posted: Jul 22nd, 2010
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Metropolitan Police ‘still discriminating against clowns’

nothing to do with them 'looking a bit different'A large-scale enquiry has revealed that years after promises were made to tackle widespread discrimination against clowns in the Metropolitan police, the old clownist attitudes remain ingrained among the force.

Figures recently revealed show that members of London’s clown population are twice as likely as non-clowns to be stopped and searched, arrested, or have a custard pie flung into their faces.

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Posted: Jul 21st, 2010
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Griffin hits out at lax controls on bird migration

BNP leader Nick Griffin launched a tirade against lax border controls which are said to be letting thousands of foreign birds enter the UK every week, ‘taking fruit picking work and demanding mixed nuts and stale crusts handouts.’

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Posted: Jul 21st, 2010
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Alan Shearer ‘most honest person in UK’ confirms BBC

Match of the Day fixture Alan Shearer fought off a strong challenge from fellow soccer pundits to be crowned the UK’s person most likely ‘to be honest’.

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Posted: Jul 21st, 2010
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