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Boris Johnson launches 60ft-long bendy bike

Newsbiscuit: News satire: cripes on a bike

London Mayor, Boris Johnson, has unveiled his latest solution to the capital’s transport problems – the bendy bike, a 60ft-long, articulated bicycle that bends in the middle.

‘The bendy bike is just what Londoners need,’ said Mr Johnson. ‘It can carry up to fifty people and, with its accordion style flexi-frame, it can go round corners much more easily than any regular 60ft bike.’

The super-size velocipede can be hired at docking stations positioned around the capital and has the advantage of rapid simultaneous boarding. ‘People can simply hop on and hop off whenever they like,’ said the Mayor. ‘When you want it to stop just ring the bell or honk the horn.’

However, critics have already raised questions about the safety of the bendy bike. ‘It looks like a good idea,’ said former Mayor Ken Livingstone, ‘but whenever it goes round a corner the whole thing tips over and everyone falls off.’

‘Yes, there have been some teething problems,’ admitted Mr Johnson, ‘but I have spoken to the designers and so long as everybody does their fair share of pedalling it should stay upright. It’s just a question of balance.’

In a further blow to the scheme, since the bike was launched, British Transport Police have been called to numerous incidents of so-called ‘bendy rage’.

‘We attended one hold-up at the junction of Oxford Street and Tottenham Court Road,’ said Officer Colin Pringle. ‘All the cyclists on the Tottenham Court Road side wanted to go one way while the ones still on Oxford Street wanted to go in the other direction and had begun furiously pedalling backwards. In the end the only way to get the traffic moving again was to taser the lot of them.’

Despite the setbacks, Prime Minister David Cameron has given his support. ‘This bike is what the Big Society is all about,’ he said. ‘Everyone pedalling together with little or no idea where they are going.’

However London cabbie Ted Grubbs is less than impressed. ‘These bikes are a nightmare,’ he complained. ‘They fill up the bus lanes, fly through red lights, and, if you get caught behind one, all you can see are fifty big fat arses all wobbling from side to side. Nobody wants that shoved in their face.’

But Mr Johnson rejected his critics. ‘Pish, Tish and Piddle,’ he declared. ‘The bendy bikes are a jolly good wheeze. And a damn sight safer than the double-decker versions they replaced.’

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Posted: Aug 1st, 2010 by Ludicity

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