In a bid to both discourage bogus benefits claimants and increase legitimate employment opportunities for Afghan militants, the government is to outsource jobcentres and the benefits system to the Taliban.
‘One of the persistent problems we have in this country is people who are desperate to live the life of Riley on £65 a week’ explained a government spokesman, ‘and one of the persistent problems we have in Afghanistan is that there aren’t many good job opportunities. Having to talk to a heavily armed man in a turban will surely prevent anyone not genuinely in need from apply for Job Seeker’s Allowance whilst cutting Afghan unemployment figures. It’s a win-win for everyone.’
‘This is the kind of radical thinking that separates us from Labour’ explained David Cameron. ‘We will not rest until everyone is either working or dare not claim benefits, and we will not rest until the Afghan War is won – by one side or another.’