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Thousands of middle-aged men have England dreams crushed by Capello

Middle-aged men have been phoning help lines this morning after news that David Beckham’s international career is over appeared to put an end to their own hopes of representing England at the 2014 World Cup.

‘I’ve played football on and off since I was at school,’ said Dave Hurley, a 36-year-old IT salesman who is three stone overweight and missed all of last season after twisting his ankle during a pre-season warm up. ‘I just assumed that one day someone would recognise my talent, but now Beckham has been sidelined, my dream is in tatters.’

As England’s middle-aged rejects struggle to come to terms with their disappointment, many are consoling themselves that their experience as an international  ‘nearly man’ makes them ideally qualified for a move into punditry.

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Posted: Aug 13th, 2010 by Jay Gee

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