A-level students have expressed shock and disappointment after being denied the chance to excitedly jump up and down live on TV as they receive their results, following a BBC decision to re-broadcast video of last year’s pupils instead.
‘We simply cannot afford to go out and film yet more students jumping up and down,’ said BBC Director of News Helen Boaden, ‘Every year it’s the same. Two of them do really well and say, ‘Oh my God! Oh my God! I can’t believe it,’ while the other one looks a bit disappointed but puts on a brave face for the cameras.’
‘It’s a disgrace,’ said 18 year-old Tracy Buggles, ‘I spent two years studying for the moment when a news crew would turn up and film my rollercoaster of emotions as I received a ‘b’ in Media Studies. I can’t tell you how disappointed I am. Well I could, but only if it means I get on the telly.’
Newspapers also face criticism after it emerged that every August, for the last ten years, they have published the same photograph of a fourteen-year-old girl who got twelve ‘A-star’ grades and a five-year-old boy who passed A-level maths and is now going to Oxford. It has since been revealed that neither of these children existed and that the pictures used were of the editor’s kids who are both certified idiots.
Education experts have expressed dismay at the repeats. ‘My livelihood relies on giving interviews saying that A-levels are becoming easier,’ said one, while another added, ‘and mine relies on saying that these young people should be very proud of their achievements.’ The BBC insists that there is no need to record any more interviews however, since neither expert has said anything new in over twenty years, and both are even still wearing the same ties.
‘These kids have all worked really hard and they deserve to be shown on television jumping up and down,’ said Education Secretary Michael Gove, ‘I only hope that they don’t get disillusioned, but will now go on to University where, after three years of dedicated endeavour and financial sacrifice, they will get another chance to appear on TV in a report about unemployed graduates.’