Tesco to launch own-brand currency

Following the success of loyalty cards and its own credit card, Tesco says it intends to fill another gap in the market: stable currencies.

The new currency, to be known simply as the Tesco, will compete directly with the Pound and the Euro. ‘These two currencies are well past their sell-by date,’ a Tesco spokesperson said. ‘We’re offering consumers a choice to support a currency from a company they’ve come to trust for, well, just about everything really.’

With annual revenues greater than the GDPs of many developing countries, Tesco feels it is well placed to launch the world’s first private currency.

‘The best thing about it is that all transactions in the new currency will attract loyalty club card points,’ the spokesperson added. ‘Any country wishing to join the new Tesco-Zone will be entitled to a joining incentive of 1 million Club Card points and the chance to win an all expenses paid trip to the tax haven of its choice.’

Thesheriff

Spread the word - share this story: