Chanceller George Osborne has announced plans to cut spending on ‘all kinds of things’. ‘Things have got out of hand and we must rein them in,’ he said. ‘We shall take a long, hard look at big and small things and things sized in between as well.’
Under the Labour government, Osborne revealed, expenditure on things had increased nearly three-fold. Unless things change, other things would suffer, including Britain’s International Thing Rating, causing a downturn in thing production.
Osborned added that the Quangos that monitor things, ThingCom and OffThing, would close and decision-making would be handed down to local authority thing departments. ‘The fine detail of our thing-reduction agenda will be handled by our Lib Dem junior minister John …er, you know .. John Thingy.’