Ceremonies have been taking place across the United Kingdom to mark the August Bank Holiday, commemorating the hard work and sacrifice of the nation’s bankers and other financial sector workers who are taking a well-deserved day off.
At a service in the City, leading figures in banking and business agreed that this year’s holiday had been thoroughly merited. “We wouldn’t be in the fine economic shape we’re in if it weren’t for our bankers, would we?” said one CEO. “A lot of bankers laid down their bonuses this year, and we salute them on behalf of a grateful nation.”
“We’ve had a number of spontaneous outpourings of public support recently,” said a leading hedge fund manager. “Just last week I was washing down a low-budget lunch with a glass of cut-price Krug when this group of ordinary people appeared outside, screaming their gratitude and throwing little tokens of their brutish appreciation through our windows. Must be so nice for them to be able to get down here to London and see what real hard work looks like. The money’s good, but it’s the public adulation that really warms my otherwise deadened, materialistic and shallow heart and makes it all worthwhile.”