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Archive for August, 2010

Onboard F1 communication to be replace by automated switchboard

The world of motor racing is set to be transformed after trials of a new sat-nav based automated switchboard system were completed ready for use in next year’s Formula One.

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Posted: Aug 21st, 2010
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UK film industry in crisis as couple get together in first five minutes of rom-com

Filming of Richard Curtis’s latest romantic comedy, With All My Love, has descended into chaos after the two main characters were discovered ‘at it hammer and tongs’, just days into filming.

‘Timid Eton choirmaster Miles and brassy New York lawyer Bess are poles apart. For their mutual aristocratic friend Jacob to get them together should have taken all his wit and ingenuity, and approximately two hours of bumbling, social faux-pas and quaint English villages,’ explained an anonymous insider, ‘but the actors decided to improvise, and instead of a two minute skit on the different English and American meanings of the word ‘shag’, they were getting jiggy with it at the Highland Ball before the establishing shots of Uncle Bertram’s country estate were even in the can, the dirty buggers.’

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Posted: Aug 20th, 2010
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Homeless to be redesignated as street artists

The proposal from Iain Duncan-Smith, the Secretary of State for Work and Pensions, would see everyone who is currently registered as homeless with hostels across England and Wales, re-classified as street artists and therefore eligible for grants from Arts Council England.

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Posted: Aug 20th, 2010
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Eponymous Mysterious Girl ‘not really that mysterious’ admits Peter Andre

The media circus surrounding pop sensation Peter Andre since the break up of his marriage to model Jordan has gone into overdrive today, after the singer admitted that the inspiration behind his 1995 hit Mysterious Girl wasn’t actually as enigmatic as his lyrics make out.

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Posted: Aug 20th, 2010
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Health Visitors to hold loaded guns to heads of mums who won’t breastfeed

The campaign to get more mothers breastfeeding has been given a boost today with the news that Health Visitors are to carry firearms, and will be authorised to force mothers to breastfeed at gunpoint.

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Posted: Aug 19th, 2010
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