Office for National Statistics to merge with Office for Damned Lies

As part of its efforts to cut the number of quangos, the Government has announced that the Office for National Statistics is to be merged with the Office for Damned Lies.

“This will save a huge amount of public money,” said Business Secretary Vince Cable, announcing the move, “but there is disagreement over how much because we’re not sure whether these estimates were based on lies, damned lies or statistics.”

Mr Cable was challenged over why the new office will only deal with damned lies and statistics, but not ordinary lies. “I can understand why people are concerned about this,” he said. “But trust me when I say that this Government couldn’t function properly if it surrendered control over lies to anybody else.”

Cable also refused to confirm rumours that Tony Blair is being lined up to head the new organisation. “I’ve only read a couple of chapters of his book so far but he does seem eminently qualified, at least as far as being a damned liar is concerned.”

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