Bodies found washed up on beach ‘are missing owl and pussycat’

Police investigating the disappearance of an owl and a pussycat from an animal sanctuary in Weymouth, Dorset, have confirmed that two bodies, found washed up at nearby Chesil Beach, are those of the two missing animals.

Staff at the sanctuary raised the alarm exactly a year and a day ago, when their prized Siamese cat and Tawny owl failed to turn up at feeding time. Leading the investigation, Detective Inspector Mark Shorness said the couple had been planning to elope for some time: ‘The owl in question was thought to have plenty of money, yet had emptied his bank account several days before the disappearance. Around the same time he was filmed on CCTV buying honey from a local supermarket and staff at a local novelty cutlery emporium recall selling a runcible spoon to an individual matching his description.’

Police believe that the pair absconded in a rowing boat reported stolen from a nearby marina. ‘We notified the Coastguard to be alert for the boat, described as pea-green in colour,’ Shorness revealed. ‘But the craft remained unsighted until it was found moored at Bong-Tree Island twenty miles along the coast – quite an achievement for two creatures with little idea of the concept of sailing, let alone experience of navigation and boatcraft.’

Following this lead, detectives interviewed a number of witnesses, including a pig who sold its nose-ring to a couple resembling the missing lovers, and a turkey arrested by the authorities for performing a beachside marriage without a license. The turkey claimed that the newlyweds, after overdosing on mince and quince, danced by the light of the moon before going for a midnight swim, ignoring health and safety warning notices erected along the beach by Dorset County Council.

‘That was the last anyone saw of them,’ said a staff member at the sanctuary. ‘It’s so sad. For my part I like to remember them as our very own Romeo and Juliet – albeit a Romeo who could swivel his head 360 degrees and a Juliet with retractable claws who could lick her own genitals.’

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