Thousands die in accurate Civil War battle re-enactment

not one of the dead made it to the after-battle beer tent

An investigation is underway after over 5,000 members of the Sealed Knot died in what’s described as an ‘all too accurate re-creation of the Battle of Naseby’. Over 20,000 people took part in the event in Northamptonshire, with another 250 spectators watching. Eyewitnesses described the scene as appalling, carnage and lacking the usual burger vans.

Detective Chief Inspector Barry Trench from Northamptonshire CID told a news conference that his investigation is likely to take some time, due to the numbers of deaths to be investigated and the amount of paperwork to be filled in. ‘I can confirm that we are investigating a number of deaths in connection with an incident near Market Harborough. The injuries involved seem to suggest the prolonged use of primitive firearms and sword-like weapons, possibly swords.’

However, Roger Tree, the Branch Secretary of the Sealed Knot who organised the re-enactment, told reporters what he understood had happened. ‘We’d agreed to hold the most faithful modern staging of the decisive battle ever. What seems to have happened is that some of the people on the Royalist side got a bit carried away and accidentally killed some of the Parliamentarians. They retaliated and because they tend to be better trained and more zealous in their fervour, they went a bit too far.’

‘It’s a shame really, as some of those killed were about to renew their subs for the coming year. So we’re a bit buggered for finances.’

New laws out-lawing battle re-enactments were to be considered by the Government, but this is being put on hold while the leader of the Parliamentary forces is dismissing most M.P.s; creating a ‘Rump Parliament’ and making himself ‘Lord Protector’ for life.  ‘It all makes for a very interesting  hobby’ said one Sealed Knot enthusiast.


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Posted: Sep 6th, 2010 by

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