The people of York have issued a plea for a less ‘cringeworthingly embarrassing duchess,’ following recent revelations that current incumbent tried to solicit money from an undercover reporter in return for access to her ex-husband.
According to residents, Sarah Ferguson has ‘besmirched’ York’s image. ‘The woman’s a liability,’ complained one local, ‘I mean Andrew’s all right – keeps himself to himself mainly, but her – she only kept the title as part of the divorce settlement, along with the kids, the house and the silver spoons. We’ve got a great city with great historical attractions and absolutely loads of pubs, only to have that greedy toe-sucking cow associated with us.’
However not everyone is so keen to see Sarah Ferguson removed from office: ‘She’s not all that bad,’ admitted one former soldier, ‘I won’t say I fancied her as such, but I always found her more attractive than that winnowy charity-monger Diana and besides, looking like a horse isn’t too bad given she’s a Royal.’
Meanwhile, a spokesman for the Duke of York has called for restraint and understanding amid the furore: ‘Sure, she’s not the sharpest royal in the jewellery box, but like the parents of a slightly backward child, we just need to love her, support her and keep for from doing anything stupid. Oh, and lock her up in the attic bedroom whenever anyone comes to visit.’